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Bliss

I think it is true the saying that the more you know the less you seem to know. Last November, Will bought me a Canon EOS 20D for my birthday. I had dreamed of owning a digital SLR for a long time, but the reality of actually having one in my hands was quite daunting.

I joined a few DSLR groups online only to find that I am far more ignorant than I had ever suspected. The thought of having one of my lenses incorrectly calibrated now causes me alarm. A few months ago I had no idea a lens could suffer such a plight. I didn't know that I was going to have to download and install updated firmware on my brand new camera, either. Of course, that required purchasing a digital media reader/writer. I now go to bed with visions of filters, lenses, master flash units and monopods dancing in my head. And what is the deal with tri-support legs on a monopod? Doesn't that make it a tripod? Apparently, not.

And, now, my latest frustration: Adobe Photoshop CS. In the past, I have used several programs to edit my photographs without having really mastered any of them. Now, I am intent on mastering this one. I laugh as I find myself wallowing deeper in my own ignorance. I ordered two books today, though, that should be helpful. And now there are visions of pen tablets dancing in my head. When will it end?

Okay, so maybe I am having a little fun.

Automatic Alarm

Diarist.net: Spark

Airplanes have automatic alarms that go off when they get too close to the ground. Most cars let you know when they're running low on gas. If you could have an automatic alarm installed in your brain, what would it be for, and when would it go off?

My first reaction to this question was that I would love to have an alarm that would go off when I hit my ideal caloric intake for the day. Wouldn't that be great? I could stop at that bite knowing I wasn't going to see the scale so much as wiggle one way or another from its intended destination. That cheesecake I was going to have for dessert would be perfect for breakfast. I don't mind being hungry so much.

Having said that, I will tell you that I thought a little more seriously about the question. If I could only have one automatic alarm installed in my brain, shouldn't it be for something more important than my weight? Something deeper, loftier, more spiritual? I believe that God gives you a conscience, though, that is ultimately an alarm, if you don't fry it. Sinning isn't really something you do by accident. You do have a choice. So, after being presented with something you know is wrong and contemplating what you should do, if your conscience isn't enough to stop you, what will?

I suppose, the bottom line is that God has wired us perfectly for what our needs are on this earth. It doesn't take brain surgery to control ourselves. It just takes the maturity to step up to the plate and make the right decisions.

Books

We're halfway through February. I am sitting here wishing for spring like a child wishing his most desperate wish before he blows out the birthday candles. This is the time of year that I seek out all the good books I can find just to get me through these cabin-feverish days. I am going to start reading the Kristin Lavransdatter trilogy by Sigrid Undset this week. They have been lying on my shelves since last fall waiting for me. If anyone out there would like to read them along with me, let me know. That might be interesting. I used to belong to a few e-mail groups that would read various books together, but they either were reading something I'd already read or they were reading something I didn't feel like reading at the time. I read enough books on my own, so I don't really need the encouragement. If anyone out there has any good book suggestions, though, I'd be glad to hear them. I will add them to my list of books to look into.

My girls love to read and our house is so full of books that it has become more of a library than a home. The girls beg me for more books and devour everything I hand them. Lily just read Huckleberry Finn and is now reading The Swiss Family Robinson. Clara is reading The Wind in the Willows. They were so excited at Christmas because they got so many books. Will and I really love that about them. It makes us feel good to know our girls enjoy reading as much as we do.

I think I have given up on my college dream of writing some great novel. I don't even write poetry that much anymore. Who knows, though, I still have an idea that I turn around every now and then. I could see myself writing something in my old age. If, by then, I don't end up needing more naps than I presently do. Maybe I should get busy now. But first I have some books to read.

Quiet Girl

Quiet Girl


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Out of the Box

For those of you who've decided to read along, here I am. I have a terrific headache and my children have been bickering for most of the afternoon. I can't wait for spring to arrive. Being indoors is about to do me in. Lily has finally decided to work on her hook rug and Clara is playing her lap harp. Unfortunately, she is playing Christmas songs. *sigh*

Well, I have put up a gallery for my photographs and added a link to it over there to the left, for future reference. There are some pictures that I took with my trusty, old Pentax K1000 and had to digitize, a couple taken with my newly acquired Canon EOS 20D, but the bulk of them were taken with my Epson PhotoPC 3000Z. I have had my Epson for four years and my Canon for only a few short months, so most of my favorite digital images are from my Epson. I am anxious to take more pictures with my new Canon, though. The images are so much better in quality.

Something that has become quite apparent to me is that I take an awful lot of pictures of children. This has given me cause to think. (As if I needed one.) Among the obligatory pictures of birthday parties, holidays, vacations and visits to relatives, the ones that tend to jump out at me are the ones of the children. I shouldn't be surprised since I have always enjoyed being with children. I taught in a Montessori school and worked as a nanny before I had children of my own. The thing is that I think it goes even deeper than that.

When I was a child, I was considered quite serious, anxious and shy. I now attribute that to the fact that I was almost overwhelmed with sensory input each and every day of my life. My seriousness came out of the fact that I was in a constant struggle to maintain myself in the face of what amounted to a cacophony of sights, sounds, smells and feelings. Even though I was the youngest in my class, I was considered more mature than my classmates mostly because of my silence.

I have always had a very detailed memory of my childhood from the time I was about two until I became an adult. I don't believe the people who claim that you cannot remember anything earlier than three or four years of age. I remember things that had nothing to do with my parents and my parents are often surprised to know, so they are not family memories that were somehow implanted into my memory later in life. I am so familiar with my childhood that it often seems as though I can time travel.

Before I had children of my own, my photography seemed to revolve around attempting to capture what ended up being almost haunting images. It was like I was trying to capture the way I perceived the world because I knew by then that most people didn't experience things the way I did. When I had children, suddenly I was completely absorbed by them. I took pictures of them constantly trying to capture them in little time capsules. Taking pictures of them seemed to be all that really mattered, as far as my photography was concerned. Recently, though, I have come to realize that I am blending my desire to capture the world as I've experienced it with capturing the experience of childhood itself.

One of my favorite photographs is of my nephew wrapped tightly in a hammock while we were on a camping trip in New Hampshire. I see myself in that photograph more than most. His small, serious face. The comfort of being wrapped cocoon-like in a quiet place. The way the sun dapples his face in warmth. A place to daydream uninterrupted. I am still trying to find these things.