Lost and Found
May 14, 2005 We just had a thunderstorm pass over here and there is a mist rising up from the ground. It is evening. Someone is grilling. I can smell the sweet smell of cooking meat mingled with the smell of damp moss and tree bark. I'm alone at home. Beau has taken the girls to a baseball game with several other families from our congregation. Time alone is a rare commodity for me. And, yet, my heart still feels a tug towards my children and my husband when we are apart.One of the nice things about being alone is that I get to listen to "mommy's music". Right now, I am listening to the Guster album Keep It Together. I'm eating a banana and drinking orange juice. Is life really supposed to be exciting? I surely hope not because I don't know if I could handle it. I take comfort in the peace. In the familiar.
Now I am wondering where that mentally retarded man went to. The one who used to ride his bike to the curb across the street from our house and merrily ring his little bicycle bell. He had a nice smile. I haven't seen him in quite awhile.
Things are always changing around me without my consent. Sometimes without my knowledge. I suppose this is for the best. Maybe God just likes to step in and remove some of the clutter for me while I am otherwise occupied. I do this to my children's rooms every so often. They don't really need to form a bond with their Happy Meal toys. Sometimes they remember something, though. Something that wasn't a cheap piece of plastic, but I cleaned it out anyway knowing that there was another child out there who needed it more. I wonder if that is where that man went. To another one of God's children.
I suppose that is part of this life. Time keeps moving me forward and I lose things without even noticing. Some people spend their lives striving for something they can't quite put their finger on. I know what I am striving for. I just keep misplacing little things along the way. Funny how I assume they were really mine to begin with.
Part Four: Time and Eternity
XXXVI
I LOST a world the other day.
Has anybody found?
You'll know it by the row of stars
Around its forehead bound.
A rich man might not notice it;
Yet to my frugal eye
Of more esteem than ducats.
Oh, find it, sir, for me!
Emily Dickinson
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Comments:
I am Anne Elliot--no surprise there.
Posted by: mamasquirrel at May 21, 2005 2:45 AM
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